Will he ever be "normal"?

He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. Deut 10:21

He spent his first two weeks on a ventilator fighting to live. His little body fit in the palm of my hand. Every breath was a struggle and every calorie came from a tube. The first year included multiple surgeries and 264 days in the hospital. The years after included seizures from brain bleeds, heart monitors, oxygen tanks, and a g-tube for nourishment. More than once, I have been asked will he ever be “normal?” Life with my son has never seemed normal. It didn’t feel normal to sit through two eight-hour heart surgeries at Duke (the last one only 18 months ago). But this morning didn’t feel normal either --getting up at 4:45 am to take him to practice because he made the high school basketball team. It is really not normal that the child, who still has asthma, can run for two hours every afternoon. It is also weird that the boy rarely cracks a book and has almost straight “A’s”. Living with Ben has never been normal. I don’t guess it is normal to see God work miracles … but I am very sure He still does.

A long time ago, I sat crying in a hospital chapel pleading with God to let Ben live but telling God I still loved Him no matter what He chose to do. In the years since, I have had to remind myself of that prayer over and over…but it isn’t seeing the miracles that have gotten me through-- it has been knowing the miracle maker. I know God is good and I know He can… whether or not He does. I know He loves my children more than I do, and that true peace, hope, and joy come from Him not your circumstances. I know He alone can bring beauty from ashes. I know He can take our pain and turn it into our passion. In the hardest moments of life, and in the greatest victories, God does not change. He is always there, and He is always faithful. God is enough to sustain me when all else seems to fail me. This is a miracle, and to know this I am thankful.

How about you? Do you know the miracle-maker? Are you thankful for Who He is as much as for what He does? Is your peace dependent on your circumstances, or are you standing on the rock Who is Jesus Christ? Life is hard. It is unpredictable. God is the only steady in the storm. He is peace that makes no sense and joy in the midst of pain. I am so thankful to know Jesus Christ in a real run-to-Him relationship…and not just know about Him. He is Savior, and He is Friend.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the miracle of knowing You. It is no small thing that you came to earth and died for me so I could spend eternity in Heaven with you. But thank you God for the miracle of knowing you in a real personal relationship. Thank you for speaking through your Word. Thank you for allowing me to see your Hand in my life. Thank you for taking hard things and bringing good from them. You are strength for today and hope for tomorrow. Amen.