Will he ever be "normal"?

He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. Deut 10:21

He spent his first two weeks on a ventilator fighting to live. His little body fit in the palm of my hand. Every breath was a struggle and every calorie came from a tube. The first year included multiple surgeries and 264 days in the hospital. The years after included seizures from brain bleeds, heart monitors, oxygen tanks, and a g-tube for nourishment. More than once, I have been asked will he ever be “normal?” Life with my son has never seemed normal. It didn’t feel normal to sit through two eight-hour heart surgeries at Duke (the last one only 18 months ago). But this morning didn’t feel normal either --getting up at 4:45 am to take him to practice because he made the high school basketball team. It is really not normal that the child, who still has asthma, can run for two hours every afternoon. It is also weird that the boy rarely cracks a book and has almost straight “A’s”. Living with Ben has never been normal. I don’t guess it is normal to see God work miracles … but I am very sure He still does.

A long time ago, I sat crying in a hospital chapel pleading with God to let Ben live but telling God I still loved Him no matter what He chose to do. In the years since, I have had to remind myself of that prayer over and over…but it isn’t seeing the miracles that have gotten me through-- it has been knowing the miracle maker. I know God is good and I know He can… whether or not He does. I know He loves my children more than I do, and that true peace, hope, and joy come from Him not your circumstances. I know He alone can bring beauty from ashes. I know He can take our pain and turn it into our passion. In the hardest moments of life, and in the greatest victories, God does not change. He is always there, and He is always faithful. God is enough to sustain me when all else seems to fail me. This is a miracle, and to know this I am thankful.

How about you? Do you know the miracle-maker? Are you thankful for Who He is as much as for what He does? Is your peace dependent on your circumstances, or are you standing on the rock Who is Jesus Christ? Life is hard. It is unpredictable. God is the only steady in the storm. He is peace that makes no sense and joy in the midst of pain. I am so thankful to know Jesus Christ in a real run-to-Him relationship…and not just know about Him. He is Savior, and He is Friend.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the miracle of knowing You. It is no small thing that you came to earth and died for me so I could spend eternity in Heaven with you. But thank you God for the miracle of knowing you in a real personal relationship. Thank you for speaking through your Word. Thank you for allowing me to see your Hand in my life. Thank you for taking hard things and bringing good from them. You are strength for today and hope for tomorrow. Amen.

Belly Laughing Happy and Messy Blessings

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Ps 27:13

I sat trying to read my magazine in the doctor’s office distracted by their continual laughter. Clearly smitten, the father seemed oblivious to my observation as he talked with her. His daughter’s words were indistinguishable to me, but he clearly understood everything she uttered. A normal occurrence, you might assume, a father delighting over his toddler. Yet this was no small child. She looked to be in her late teens. Unable to walk or talk normally, her round face glowed with a continual smile as she played with her toy, and he wiped the drool that ran down her face. She clearly required constant care and patience… yet, I don’t think I have ever seen a more genuinely happy pair. Years ago his heart must have broken as he heard the news that his little girl would never be normal, and his life would never be as well. I wondered how long it took him to accept it all. Had he blamed God? Did he blame himself? Did he fall apart or get mad? Where was his wife? Had she left in despair?

Yet there he sat--his eyes revealed no hint of bitterness but instead sparkled with delight while their laughter filled the room. Sometime, I don’t know when, he must have decided to accept the life he had been given. And, by the looks of things, he had done more than accept it….he had embraced it as blessing. He wasn’t putting on a show. He was belly-laughing-happy and as proud of the sweet angel who held his hand as if she had just been crowned Miss America.

I want to be like that daddy don’t you? I want to live life… all of it. I don’t want to focus on what I don’t have but what I do. I don’t want to live in what could have been but enjoy what is. I want to delight in the blessings God has given me even if they don’t look like someone else’s blessings. I want to stop worrying about tomorrow and enjoy this day. I’m not trying to be a Polly Anna. I know life is hard, but it is also good. All of us have something, and most of us have many things, to be thankful for. Sometimes we have to look a little harder to see them, but they are there. The problem is we are so busy trying to fix life we miss the blessing right in front of us….messy that it might be.

Prayer, Father, thank you for surrounding me with blessings. Help me to see them. Help me to enjoy them. Thank you for trusting me with some hard things and helping me to know you better because of them. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for being for me. Thank you for sending your Son to die for me so that I can be with you in Heaven but also so I can enjoy You in this life. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see how much you love me today. Amen.

Why do you do the things you do?

Hi-

Thank you for your continued prayers for this ministry. I want to call your attention to an interview Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ online magazine “Lies Young Women Believe” did recently with my teenage son, Will. This interview was about the effects of his father’s suicide on his faith. I know many of you know someone who has been touched by suicide. I think you will find incredible encouragement in this article that I have posted to my website. You can go directly to that page at http://www.morethanchocolate.org/id72.html What an amazing God we serve!

Here is this week’s Single Moment Devotional:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17

Are you weak and foolish? I know you have heard me say it before, but God’s Word comforts weak and foolish me. I particularly like 1 Cor 1:27 where God tells us He chooses the weak and the foolish. I am thoroughly convinced I qualify to be chosen! I find further peace in these words in a world where everyone wants to be smart, beautiful, rich, famous, an idol, a star…it seems that everyone wants to be known. Many of us aren’t trying out for the latest reality show, but we still have that tendency to want to be known. Even we mini-van moms decorate our vehicles with stickers showing five kids, two dogs, and “honor student on board”. I don’t think that is sin but just evidence we all have the tendency to want to be known for something, and, if we aren’t careful, we will be tempted to glory in that something.

Yet in all we want to glory in, the Bible tells us “let him who glories, glory in the Lord” (1 Cor 1:30). Perhaps, this is because God knows glorying in our own “accomplishments” will never really satisfy us. Yes, we may achieve things, and some good things, but the fulfillment that comes from our own success never really lasts very long. If we aren’t careful, we can become a slave to the praise of men--like a drug addict always craving that next accolade or complement. Believe me I know! Even ministry, and especially speaking, can be seductive; and, if I am not careful, I will speak and write for the praise of men rather than the praise of God. I Cor 1:29 says “no flesh can glory in His presence” and if my flesh is basking in my glory rather than in God – God is NOT in it.

This desire to glory in ourselves is the same desire that caused Lucifer to fall and can keep us from the presence of God. It can cause us to make stupid, sinful decisions to make ourselves look good or to please someone else rather than please God. So how do we combat this seductive, flesh desire to be known and to be praised by others, which has caused the downfall of many? We have to look at our lives and evaluate what we are doing and why. We have to take our thoughts captive and combat them with truth. Our security does (and will only ever) come from God. Every talent, ability, every good thing you have was given to you by HIM (I Cor 1:5). Furthermore, “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”(James 1:17). The world will love you today and hate you tomorrow. God will not change! He loves you for who you are, not what you do, and His affection for you will not change like shifting shadows based on how you perform! There is real contentment there! God loves you so much – oh, glory in that! Ask yourself why you do the stuff you do and why you think the thoughts you think. Lay down that never-satisfying need to be known and praised by others. Follow Him with all you have and you will find freedom, joy and rest, for your souls.

Prayer: Oh Father, thank you for loving me even though I am weak and foolish. Thank you for giving me so many good things and loving me with anunending, perfect, love. Help me to evaluate my life and my motives. Help me to walk in the freedom that comes from living my life to please you rather than for the praise of men. You are so good to me. Thank you for helping me see things which are causing me pain. I love you Lord. Amen.

Missing God

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
Psalms 41:2

I have felt like Eeyore lately. It seems like one hard, irritating thing after another has happened. Life has been busy and distracting. And can I be honest? I am not sure if you will want to hear this or not… unless, of course, it has happened to you. Okay, so, are you ready?... I have felt somewhat distant from God. It isn’t that I have been caught up in sin, or that I have neglected reading my Bible. I have gone to church, and I have done all the things that I normally do… yet, God just doesn’t feel as close. I don’t know why the seasons of feeling distant come… but they have come before. Thankfully (and with hallelulajah) they always end! Suddenly, without expectation, one day, God just feels close again. I notice His presence in the many colors of the sunset; I hear His joy in the belly laughter of my children; it is as if my hands, once again, can almost reach out and touch Him in the chorus of a praise song. I am never sure what precipitates the resurrection of that wonderful, unexplainable, delightful, feeling of intimacy with my Heavenly Father…I have never figured it out. I guess I never really tried. I am usually too busy basking in the sweet feeling of His presence again.

So when the down days come, when the problems seem louder than my blessings, when I am tired, when my heart is heavy, or when I just don’t feel God (Who is near) near… I hang on. I keep going. I press on knowing He really is there and knowing, though He might not feel close now, He is! And there is peace in knowing I won’t always feel distant like I feel today. In some ways, I think this “missing Him” makes me more thankful and even thirstier for more of Him. Yes, I know, God is so much more than a feeling… but I have to tell you, I love the feeling of a so-close-my-heart-might-burst God.

Prayer: Father, I love You. I love the feeling of Your presence in my life. I want more of You and I miss You so much when you feel distant. Thank you for the incredible joy that it is to walk with You in real fellowship. Oh, may those days where you feel close far outnumber the days where you feel distant. But in those days, those down days… thank you for carrying me. Thank you for never leaving me to feel apart for very long. Amen.

Mean Girls

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
I Pet 3:9

Girls can be mean. I knew it as a teenager. I feel it even more now as a Mom. This past weekend, Abi was invited to a slumber party. She had to decline because we had family plans. Before I go on with the story, I have to tell you, none of my kids are perfect (mind you, this is the same kid who in a previous devotion broke her toe kicking her brother). Yet this weekend she “walked the talk”. Late Friday night she received a text from her “friends” at the slumber party telling her, “You have a large zit and you are ugly.” Without consulting me, Abi simply texted back, “I think you are beautiful. But I don’t get my security from what others think. I get that from God.” After the fact, she calmly read me the texts without a hint of anger towards those girls.

I am pretty sure I would not have reacted the same when I was twelve years old. But Abi could because she remembered peace and security come from God. She knows she is called to be a doer of the Word and not just a hearer (James 1:22)…and not just when it is easy to do so. On the other hand, my first flesh-filled, moma-bear thought was to give those girls a good “talking to” and spend any amount of money on pimple cream to protect her. However as Francis Chan (Forgotten God) says “I think we could all agree living according to our sinful flesh is not what is intended for children of God. Yet even so, we often choose to face life’s issues and circumstances in exactly the same way as someone without the Spirit of God”. Chan goes on to say when we do this “ whether consciously or not, we essentially say to God, ‘I know you raised Christ from the dead; but the fact is my problems are just too much for you and I need to deal with them by myself.’”

On this day, Abi chose not to live by her flesh and relied on something much better than pimple cream for her protection. In the midst of her hurt, Abi had a choice. She chose to trust God by not repaying evil for evil, and she was blessed for it (1 Pet 3:9). She remembered her value to Him far exceeds the opinion of any other person on this earth. As she went to school on Monday, she was bombarded with apologies from all those girls; and she found out that a kind word really does turn away wrath (Prov 15:1). Her obedient faith, tested by trials really is more precious than gold (1 Pet 1:6-9). Once again, I find my faith, my walk with the Lord challenged by the children God has blessed me to raise. Trust and obey… really is the only way.

Prayer- Father, Your Word is truth. A mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace (Rom 8:6) and obeying You is always the best choice in any circumstance. Oh, Lord as I go through the day and encounter others; help me to react in the Spirit and not in my flesh. Thank you for loving me with an unending perfect love… and loving my children even more than I do. May I do all I can to point them to your faithful, wise, instruction. Amen.

I gotta "let not" on this one shot

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in me.
John 14:1

Do you remember what you did day before yesterday? I’m not sure I do. Somehow two weeks have flown by since I last sat down to write one of these devotionals. School started and the days have been full of busy. We have done lots of stuff, but I am not sure that I could tell you what has consumed so much time. I am sure you know what I am talking about at your house too. Life sometimes seems like a blur. My to-do lists are a mile long, my attempts at multi-tasking wear me out, the laundry piles up, the meetings run back-to-back, that date night with my husband just didn’t happen, and I look up, and another week has passed. My kids are growing up, my parents are getting older…life is flying by at a crazy pace.

Yet God says, “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps 46:10). I want some “still”, don’t you? God is calm in the midst of crazy. He is the best, right priority. He is worth slowing down and soaking in. As I read John 14:1 this morning (Let not your heart be troubled); the phrase “let not” jumped out at me. In order to “Be still and know” God, I have to do some “Let not-ing” For instance, I have to… Let not anything take priority over time alone with God. Let not Facebook, email, or my I-phone consume too much of my day. Let not multi-tasking keep me from soaking up precious moments with my kids. Let not a busy day keep me from making that precious phone call to a family member or friend. Let not my to-do list keep me from changing plans when the Holy Spirit tugs at my heart to do so. Let not the noise of this world keep me from praying and praising without ceasing. Let not a busy ministry keep me from ministering to those in my own family.

This life is our one shot. Unlike our kid’s video games, we don’t get do-overs. I don’t want my life to be a blur of doing lots of things but not really doing anything that matters. How about you? God tells us without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5). In fact, we can do a lot of nothing. It is very easy to let our days pass doing a lot of nothing. If we aren’t careful, those days will add up to a life of nothing. Take a moment and ask yourself, “What did I do yesterday? Where did I spend my time this past week? What difference did I make in the life of someone else? Did I do a lot of nothing without God, or did I spend time seeking Him, praising Him, and pointing others to Him?” Oh friend, it is so easy to be so busy, so distracted and do a lot of nothing. I want more – don’t you? God wants more for us too, and, unlike our more, His more is always good. Let’s be deliberate. Let’s be intentional. When we look back on all the days and weeks that add up to be our life – let’s not let our heart be troubled that we spent our time on stuff that just doesn’t matter. But with God, with His help, we can “let not ” our lives and our hearts be troubled with things that don’t really matter.

Prayer: Oh Father, I want to abide in You. I want to spend my short time on this earth producing much fruit that matters. You want this for me too. Help me to get the things I need to get done accomplished while still having a heart that is stayed on You. Help me to abide in You, to pray to You throughout the day, to hear Your voice directing my steps and even changing my plans. My life is yours Lord. May I live it so that when I take my last breath I do so without regret. Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you for reminding me to be still, to let not, and enjoy these days spent with You and the blessings you have surrounded me with. Amen.

Big Brothers and Sin

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Ex 14:14

If you grew up with older brothers, you know what it is like. My boys adore their sister and don’t want anyone messing with her—except them! They love to tease her, and one day she had all she could take. Furious, she kicked Will (her very big brother) with all her might. As we sat at the orthopedist office Abi, with a fractured growth plate in her toe remarked, “I guess some lessons are harder to learn than others.” For the next four weeks, she will be in a walking boot up to her knee, and the one she intended to harm, Will, doesn’t even have a bruise.

Have you ever had all you could take? Have you imagined ways you could “get back at someone”? Have you ever just “let someone have it”? Did it solve your problems or make things worse? Did you experience peace or regret? Why is it so hard for us fleshlings to turn the other cheek (Matt 5:39), to love our enemy (Matt 5:43), to allow God to fight our battles (Ex 14:14), to forgive those who have offended us, (Col 3:13), and to remember vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord (Rom 12:19)? Why do we insist on trying to kick against what we know God has called us to do rather than just walk with Him? Do we realize how our attempts at magnifying ourselves are so opposite to being crucified with Christ? Have you ever considered how much joy you give Satan when you give in to the flesh and disobey God? I read a quote recently by Russell Moore: "Satan is as ambitious for your goals as you are, maybe more so. He'll give you the power you want, the glory you crave, as long as you fall down and obtain it his way. The powers don't care if we are respected or influential or moral or conservative, as long as we'd rather be magnified than crucified."

You may have made a decision to “follow Christ”… but it isn’t just a one-time decision. It is a daily decision to die to self and to choose to be crucified with Christ rather than magnify yourself and insist on your rights. The Bible says “He who loses his life shall find it” (Matt 16:25). True peace (and less pain) comes when I become less and Jesus becomes more (John 3:30) in every action, decision, and frustration I face.

Dear Almighty One- I submit to You, and to your authority over every area of my life. Please show me where I fail to obey You. Please forgive me, and please strengthen me to live a crucified life. Help to die to self so I might really live. I trust You for eternity. Help me to trust You enough to obey You in this day. Amen.