A very long bad mood

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Psalm 42:5

I have been in a bad mood for what seems like a very long time. Oh, I have some circumstantial and hormonal reasons contributing to my less-than-chipper attitude. Some of you might pat my back and tell me I deserve to feel and act this way, and years ago, I might have excused myself too. However, I have been with Jesus. I have tasted His peace despite crazy circumstances and I can no longer excuse this rebellion in my heart and frankly that is what this big, fat, bad mood is! Rebellion! Can I really love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength (Luke 10:27) and be in a bad mood? God desires my obedience more than sacrifice (or service or ministry) 1 Sam 15:22. He wants me to hear and obey His voice in the moments of the day He has given me to live. He tells me this struggle (and girl isn’t it a struggle when life knocks you down or hormones are raging?)- this struggle isn’t against flesh and blood (Eph 6:12) . God tells me I am wrestling with the enemy who wants to take me down and my only (ONLY) source of strength, my only chance of avoiding the guilt of my next mess up is to be continually strengthened in the Lord (Eph 6:10).

Frankly, I am sick of myself and thoroughly convinced that I have zero ability to walk in joy, peace and hope without a continual denial of myself, my way, my rights, my desires and a complete submission in all things to God….and it is not just enough to say it. I have to live it out in the moment when the choice comes. When I am offended, when I am tired, when I am heart-broken, when life stinks; I have to choose, in that moment, to kneel to the authority and wisdom of the Lord Jesus Christ. I have to submit and rely on His Holy Spirit strength to do it. I am tired of battling the same battles and asking for forgiveness for the same sin. I want to live the blessed life and go from strength to strength with my heart stayed on the Living God (Psalm 84:5-7)… I am tired of being tossed to and fro by circumstances and emotions. I want to grow up (Eph 4:15) and press on to take hold of that prize which is Christ Jesus (Phil 3:14)… don’t you? Our Savior died and for those who know Him- the old has passed and the new has come… I want to walk in that freedom--- not my old sin-filled, sick-of-myself nature… don’t you? Only in the moment-to-moment choice to follow Him and not my flesh can I be angry and not sin, be free from bitterness, forgive others and be kind (Eph 4:25-32) and experience joy and peace in the midst of this crazy life.

Prayer: Oh Savior, forgive me for losing my joy. How can the bride be dismayed when the Bridegroom is coming? How can I act as if I am unclean when your precious blood has already made me clean? Oh Father, I am weak but You are strength. May I abide continually in You and when the moments of choice come by way… may I submit to the your will where all joy, peace and hope reside despite all the evil one will throw at me. I love you Lord. May I live like it. Amen.